This is all I’m saying…

Tiger Woods Press Conference After thoughts

That had to be one of the most heartfelt, genuine, sincerely written PR statements I have ever heard.

Fame, and the Kanye West Controversy

You no doubt heard about Kanye West’s classy move last night at the MTV Awards. He grabbed the mic from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for Best Video or whatever, and proclaimed Beyonce’s video the best of all-time. I’m not really shocked. The guy is a fucking classless moron. But amidst all the controversy, something positive always comes from the negative. In this particular case, the fame-hunters came out of their basements to record awesome videos of their incredibly epic comments to post on the world wide web, and they did us this favor in less than 24 hours.

It’s why I believe such star power shouldn’t go unrecognized.

These people are so awesome for saturating the internet with similarly-titled videos (I had to go through six clips before finding the right one) that they deserve to be recognized! So here at the smackoftheday, I really want to help them achieve their lifelong goals of becoming overnight internet celebrities. So I’ve posted their photos here to help speed up their road to fame. Please pass it along to help their cause.

There was only one word that came to mind when I found her: Winner.

Why would I care about what he has to say? Because he has a hat. That’s why.

Remember Jaws from the Bond flicks? His daughter has an opinion too.

If Snoop Dogg has a voice, this guy can too.

I always thought Kanye was awesome. Until this guy convinced me otherwise. His convictions are THAT good.

There is only one thing that will make you stand out from the scrubs: An awesome teen ‘stache.

You know who is a terrible public speaker? George Clooney. But this kid, wow, voice of an angel. Give him a show on prime time so I can watch it.

Some people enjoy listening to Obama speak. Others, dis guy.

When a guy has two television sets from the mid 90′s in his bedroom, you know he’s on top of things. A-list.

Buffalo Bills Post-Game Interview

Three words, kids: Stay in school.

The Apple Store Robbery

Do yourselves a favour and watch this video. It’s a robbery of an Apple Store in New Jersey where these champs, err, culprits, stole laptops and iphones and ipods in under 31 seconds. It’s quite incredible… Now that you’ve watched it, did you notice the one unbelievable thing in the clip? No? I can’t blame you, it’s hard to notice. It comes at the 0:25 mark where the news reporter says, “This is an upscale shopping center behind me blah blah blah.” Oh, silly reporter, I chuckle at your flawed analysis. We all know there’s no such thing as ‘upscale’ in New Jersey. The only thing upscale in New Jersey is the guy driving his Mercedes through it every morning to go to his Manhattan job.

Mmmm, Women’s Tennis

With all the coverage of women’s tennis on television, I can’t help but watch it from time to time. Minus the tennis part, of course. To be honest, I watch it more for the ‘sights and sounds’ of the game. Yeah, you know what i’m talking about. And sometimes, I tune in just to hear the sounds. Yep, women’s tennis is awesome like that. Except when Venus Williams is playing.

DJ AM Found Dead in Apartment

Yet another celebrity has passed. Musician DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein, was found dead in his New York apartment earlier today. Reports state that prescription pills were found next to him – eerily similar to Heath Ledger. You may remember that only one year ago, Adam Goldstein was one of two fortunate survivors on a private plane that crashed after takeoff and killed two pilots and two passengers. The other survivor was Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker. I guess when you escape Death once, he makes it a point to not repeat the same mistake. Which makes me believe that, after the terribly tragic year celebrities are having, I’d refrain from selling any of your autographed Travis Barker collectibles.

I Hate You, Pigeon

I’m walking down the street during my lunch break, minding my own business, when CRUNCH! I get shit on the head by you, you little fucking pigeon (or as I like to call you, the homeless people of the bird world). You picked the wrong day, my friend. Now don’t get me wrong, if I was a fat pigeon that hated God for making me a pigeon, I’d probably await the perfect moment to shit yesterday’s french fries and cigarette butts on unsuspecting passersby too, and I would hoot and laugh with my unemployed pigeon friends… but here’s where I get the last laugh. I’m going into a Korean restaurant tomorrow and hmmm, wonder what I will order for lunch?

G.I. Joe Movie Review

I haven’t seen the movie but giving it a fair critique will not be difficult. Here we go… This movie is s-h-i-t. Like a pile of dog shit that an elephant shit on top of. The premise is probably no different than the cartoon of the 80′s. A special American force named G.I. Joe sets out to stop the evil forces of Cobra who are bent on taking over the world. Cobra will come close to world domination but amidst the barrage of explosions, missile attacks, machine guns, Matrix-stolen karate-kick effects and zero plot, G.I. Joe will save the day even though Cobra Commander and Destro will unfortunately survive in order to produce an even shittier sequel (Transformers 2, anyone?). Unless, you know, the entire cast is flying in a plane over the Atlantic and it somehow, mysteriously, goes down. Which would be terrible. Awful. Just, just awful. Tragic.

Kim Kardashian’s Sister Pregnant

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. The sister of everybody’s fantasy, Kim Kardashian, has gotten knocked up but she won’t reveal who the father is. Which leaves us to play the guessing game… And I’m betting my money that the father of the child is the New England Patriots.