Archive for the ‘Fashion’ Category

Lumberjack Jackets Are In

October 14, 2008


I walked two blocks this morning and counted four morons wearing lumberjack jackets and none of you were homeless. When did lumberjack jackets become cool to wear? Did I miss a fad? Were you walking in the woods one day where you spotted a lumberjack and thought, ‘wow that’s the bad-ass baddest axe-wielding lumberjack man I’ve ever seen cutting down a tree I wish I had a jacket like his so that I look like I’ve banged more squirrels than Bigfoot!” Because that’s the only reason I can think why you’d wear it.
But hey, maybe it’s just me. So here are a few outfit suggestions that I think will go well with your checkered jacket: Dress pants, construction boots, sports watch, Vote for Pedro t-shirt, an empty styrofoam cup and a safety helmet with a cool flashlight on it.

Batman’s Belt is Cool but Yours is Cooler

September 12, 2008


If you wear your cellphone on your belt, you are hands-down cool. Like a sheriff with a cool mustache. I love the confidence you exude when you walk the streets. Well, there isn’t much else to say. It’s not like I need to tell you how to score chicks, they probably blow your knob at the very sight of your belt buckle buddy. BUT, if you’re not scoring unlimited blowjobs like you should be, here are other fashionable belt items I recommend to go alongside your mobile that will make panties wet: Lightsaber, Sony walkman cassette player, Bat boomerang, Pez dispenser, pager, G.I.Joe walkie-talkie. and a flashlight.*

*Please note that if you wear all these items at the same time, women may want to rape your peen.

Victoria Beckham Gets New Hair Cut

September 10, 2008


This made it in my morning news and the ladies on television were raving about it. The wife David Beckham sleeps around on, Victoria, a.ka. Posh, has gotten herself a new do and judging by her previous trend-setting bob, women around the world should soon resemble Russell Crowe.