Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

G.I. Joe Movie Review

August 19, 2009

I haven’t seen the movie but giving it a fair critique will not be difficult. Here we go… This movie is s-h-i-t. Like a pile of dog shit that an elephant shit on top of. The premise is probably no different than the cartoon of the 80’s. A special American force named G.I. Joe sets out to stop the evil forces of Cobra who are bent on taking over the world. Cobra will come close to world domination but amidst the barrage of explosions, missile attacks, machine guns, Matrix-stolen karate-kick effects and zero plot, G.I. Joe will save the day even though Cobra Commander and Destro will unfortunately survive in order to produce an even shittier sequel (Transformers 2, anyone?). Unless, you know, the entire cast is flying in a plane over the Atlantic and it somehow, mysteriously, goes down. Which would be terrible. Awful. Just, just awful. Tragic.


Another Celebrity Divorce Shocks My World

October 20, 2008

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing and no one is more stunned than me! I really thought this union was going to last forever like all the other celebrity marriages. Such a shame. Madonna looked so happy in those photos taken with Yankees shortstop Alex Rodriguez that it never crossed my mind she wanted to break out of wedlock. Such a travesty. I was really positive that with Guy Ritchie, Madonna had zero interest in adding another notch on her 17,886 belt.

Shia Labeouf is the new Ben Affleck

September 21, 2008

Judging by the recent string of blockbuster movies; Transformers, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of it’s too long to remember, Eagle Eye, the upcoming Transformers 2, the possibility of continuing the Indiana Jones saga, and blah blah blah, it looks like Shia Lebeouf is the only twenty-something actor left auditioning for roles in America and it’s getting to be overkill (Ben Affleck, anyone?). Please, whoever handles casting, find a fucking giraffe if you have to!! At this rate, if you told me he’s the back-up quarterback for the New England Patriots or that he’s at my parents house now playing the role of my Dad, I really wouldn’t be that surprised.

Jessica Simpson Leaves Acting, I Shed Tear

September 4, 2008

This is a real shame. Jessica Simpson has decided to focus on her music career rather than continue to bust out gems on the big screen. “It’s got to just be a really incredible director and production with an awesome studio and great cast. But for me right now Jessica Simpson is music,” said the air head. So basically, the only way Jessica comes back is if we land Martin Scorsese, cast Johnny Depp and have Paramount back this up. Hurry someone please make this happen or we’ll never see her reprise the role of Daisy Duke as a whore in the Dukes of Hazzard sequel. Please someone do something, the movie industry can’t afford to lose another Heath Ledger. Please!