Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

Rihanna Flirts with Doorman, and Doom

August 4, 2009

It is reported that Rihanna, a singer whose sings stuff 14 year-olds love, was seen flirting with a doorman in the Hamptons. She even asked the bouncer and model for his number. Now here’s the good part… It is also reported that, while flirting with many men, she has rekindled her romance with ex Chris Brown. Did you guys just do the same math I did?? I think you did! Which is the perfect time to introduce my poll: Once Chris Brown finds out about Rihanna’s escapades, what will she look like?

A) Jonny from Cobra Kai after the Karate Kid crane-kicked him.
B) Frank Mir after losing to Brock Lesnar at UFC 100.
C) A Mexican pinata.
D) Basketball player Sam Cassell.


Michael Jackson’s Death

July 11, 2009

It’s been a while, Smackamaniacs. My apologies. Now, let’s get onto what’s been happening of late.┬áSo, Michael Jackson is dead. Wow. I first heard the news a few weeks back while at the local pub. I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly or if the mixture of Caesars and Coronas and vodka sodas were lying to me. But when the internet told me the truth, I was truly saddened. It felt like a piece of my 80’s childhood was lost. Like when Megatron finally defeated and killed Optimus Prime and inevitably led the way to the second generation of cartoon Transformers – which sucked the balls.

Another Celebrity Divorce Shocks My World

October 20, 2008

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing and no one is more stunned than me! I really thought this union was going to last forever like all the other celebrity marriages. Such a shame. Madonna looked so happy in those photos taken with Yankees shortstop Alex Rodriguez that it never crossed my mind she wanted to break out of wedlock. Such a travesty. I was really positive that with Guy Ritchie, Madonna had zero interest in adding another notch on her 17,886 belt.

Britney Spears Names Upcoming Album

September 18, 2008

And it’s not called ‘Hit Me With Some of that Crack One More Time’ like I originally anticipated. After a tumultuous ride to the murky bottoms of earth (insert Paris Hilton’s address here), Britney’s hoping to get her career back on track with her brand new album called Circus. I thought this was an interesting choice for a name, this Circus. At first I thought it was referencing the media frenzy that followed her every mis-step but I quickly realized it’s based on the clowns in her head that spend their days juggling orphans and getting high on cotton candy.

Noel Gallagher Impersonates Bowling Pin

September 14, 2008

I’m still dying of laughter from this clip. Oasis was headlining a Toronto concert and during their performance some guy rushed the stage and bowled Noel Gallagher over. But kids, even though I’m laughing at someone else’s misfortune, what happened here was very disgraceful. If you’re going to attack the most arrogant band on the planet for releasing shitty albums, you should at least have an escape plan. Like the one Batman had when he abducted Lau from Hong Kong.