Archive for the ‘World’ Category

The Apple Store Robbery

September 10, 2009


Do yourselves a favour and watch this video. It’s a robbery of an Apple Store in New Jersey where these champs, err, culprits, stole laptops and iphones and ipods in under 31 seconds. It’s quite incredible… Now that you’ve watched it, did you notice the one unbelievable thing in the clip? No? I can’t blame you, it’s hard to notice. It comes at the 0:25 mark where the news reporter says, “This is an upscale shopping center behind me blah blah blah.” Oh, silly reporter, I chuckle at your flawed analysis. We all know there’s no such thing as ‘upscale’ in New Jersey. The only thing upscale in New Jersey is the guy driving his Mercedes through it every morning to go to his Manhattan job.

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Dear Deane Rimerman,

September 15, 2008

I don’t generally respond to comments, but I’ve made an exception. Thank you for writing the following comment in my earlier ‘Hippies Mourn the Death of Trees’ article…

Deane Wrote:
“Thanks for posting this… According to google you’re the only one who has posted this and you help those you oppose by doing so….

Obviously on an unconscious level you really do care…

Deep down inside you really are an Earth First!er. I appreciated that truth!

Long live the Trees!

Be well, Deane.”

First I’d like to say, you are very welcome, Deane.

I am so proud to help the people I oppose by ridiculing them for the stupid things they do. And it’s nice to know that someone sees the good I do for this world. Thank you for noticing, Deane.

But you must know that I don’t do this on an unconscious level. Quite the contrary, I am very conscious of my good deeds. I think it’s wonderful that the Earth First!ers take a pro-active approach of saving our trees by shedding tears to the Magical Forest Gods of Earthland. I wouldn’t have posted it otherwise.

I guess simply writing about Earth First! makes me an Earth First!er, just like writing on the Smack of the Day makes you Ronald Smackdonald’s biggest fan in the world that you love and worship and wish you could birth his babies. I can appreciate that truth!

Take care my #1 fan.

Ronald

p.s. Raul, the Forest God of Oak, says hello.

Hippies Mourn the Death of Trees

September 13, 2008


The headline pretty much explains the full story. An extreme eco-conservation group named Earth First mourns trees somewhere in North Carolina. I believe what they’re doing is noble and courageous and it is a shame we mock these people who truly care about our planet and its longevity. It is why I sacrificed a pack of 11 x 17 printing paper through the shredder in their honour.

In Case You Forgot, Today is September 11

September 11, 2008

Apparently, we’re all morons. Or so every newscast in the nation believes. I mean, it’s a good thing they’re ramming us with detailed reminders of what happened exactly 7 years ago otherwise the only thing I’d remember is that baseball was temporarily cancelled because Mohammed was pissed at Jesus.